Repost: Tiptoe and Hedgehog Do Heroes, 3x11 edition

[tiptoe39]

Oh, I had so very much fun doing this... again, fandom stuff belongs on fandom blog so even if nobody cares that I'm reposting it, I'm reposting it!! :squeal:

Me & hedgehog39 watching 3x11. Yes, I did in fact record this and listen to the whole thing again.

NARRATOR: Previously, on Heroes…
TIPTOE: Mohinder was naked.

DAPHNE: You don’t know me.
TIPTOE: [as Matt] Sure I do. I’ve known you for twenty-four whole hours.

HAITIAN: I must stop [inaudible]
TIPTOE: Did he just say he was going to stop Sam and Dean?

NURSE: [smacks down Sandra Bennet]
TIPTOE: Whoa. Props for sassy nurse.
HEDGEHOG: 0wnz0r3d.
TIPTOE: She should be a series regular.
HEDGEHOG: I think she has a better gig on “ER.”

SYLAR & ELLE: [stop having sex, talk a bit]
TIPTOE: Dude, I don’t think he came. His power is gone… from his dick.

SYLAR: …unexpected…
TIPTOE: Hey, Season 1 reference!

HRG: [shoots at Sylar & Elle]
TIPTOE: Wait. HRG watched them fuck and waited to shoot them?
HEDGEHOG: [as Sylar] Aw, man! We’re not going to get it on again!

HRG: [comes in through the door]
HEDGEHOG: Dirty old man!!
TIPTOE: [as HRG] Dirty rotten slut!!
HEDGEHOG: That’s it, leave the loaded sniper rifle where somebody could pick it up!

SYLAR & ELLE: [boogie out of there]
HEDGEHOG: They’re leaving naked?
TIPTOE: All units, look out for two streakers…
HEDGEHOG: I know what “unit” you’re looking at.

HRG: That’s right, run!
TIPTOE: I don’t know, I don’t think he’s as badass as he used to be. Noah Bennet never had to talk big.

COMMERCIAL: [shows us the Santiago whatever whatever commercial]
HEDGEHOG: This Heroes Legends thing is looking kind of silly… check that, awfully silly. It’s like they’re going to make it into a Matrix spoof.
TIPTOE: But… the fans created Santiago! (And besides, he’s a hotass.)
HEDGEHOG: The fans created him, but they’re not writing him, which may or may not be a good thing. But… the writers on Heroes are writing him. Which unfortunately is definitely not a good thing.

NATHAN: [is chained up and chats up scared-looking Haitian girls]
TIPTOE: [as Nathan] Hi there, what’s your name? Would you dominate me, please?
HEDGEHOG: [as girls] We speak English!

NATHAN: [gets really mad, and who wouldn't?]
TIPTOE: He wanted to say “fuck you” just then. Did you see that? Good acting, Adrian. That’s method acting. He’s so pretty. [hearts and sparkles and baby talk ensue]

SCREEN: [shows Maya's address]
TIPTOE: She was in New Jersey?? Then why did she need a PASSPORT!? I thought she was going to go “make amends”!

MOHINDER: [jumps on Flint in the background]
TIPTOE: Oh, I know what they’re doing. Mohinder’s orgasm face FTW!

FLINT: [scares poor Mo with a lighter.]
TIPTOE: Mmm, lighter play.

HRG: [to Sandra] Tell them what I would tell them.
HEDGEHOG: Which is “I’m Noah Bennet, bitch.”
TIPTOE: That might work.

TIPTOE: Poor Sandra. She thought for a minute she was going to have a decent role this season.

HRG: [doesn't go to the hospital]
HEDGEHOG: Hmm… go to the hospital? follow the blood?
TIPTOE: Decisions, decisions, decisions.
HEDGEHOG: Be there for my daughter? Follow blood trail?
TIPTOE: That’s it… he is so sleeping on the couch tonight.

MATT: [to Daphne] You’re the fastest person in the world.
HEDGEHOG: And you’re apparently the slowest.

DAPHNE: I watched him kill your father.
TIPTOE: That’s so sensitive of you to say.

TIPTOE: They’re so gonna kiss. I wanna see I wanna see.
MATT & DAPHNE: [don't kiss]
TIPTOE: Augh! Angst!

TIPTOE: [to Matt] That’s right. Stand around and be ineffective. You’re so good at it.

MOHINDER: [readies a syringe]
HEDGEHOG: You know he’s just going to give him a sedative.
TIPTOE: Curare FTW!
MOHINDER: [tries something else instead and ends up struggling with Flint]
TIPTOE: Next time, make with the curare in the chai. It really works better. At least you’d have time to do the tuning fork and the spinal tap.

MOHINDER: [finds a Primatech business card]
TIPTOE: Oh! You’ve found a business card with the address of the building you’re IN! How useful!

TIPTOE: I like Mohinder’s scruffy hair.

SETH GREEN: Hey! This isn’t a library!
HEDGEHOG: [Comic Book Guy voice] This is not a library. [normal voice] Comic Book Guy FTW.

HIRO: [offers credit card]
TIPTOE: Um, if he’s 10 years old and living in Japan he doesn’t have a credit card. Even fully grown adults in Japan don’t have credit cards. He wouldn’t even know what one is.

SETH GREEN OR BRECKIN MEYER, ONE OF THE TWO: Best. Day. Ever.
HEDGEHOG: Oh, he is playing Comic Book Guy.

GROCERY STORE EMPLOYEE: [runs away scared of Sylar & Elle]
HEDGEHOG: Oh, come on. He paid for it and everything.

TIPTOE: Is Sylar blond? Did he put in highlights? Maybe he stopped in the other aisle.

HAITIAN: [rescues Haitian girls and knocks brother down]
HEDGEHOG: Tell me you’re smart enough to grab his gun.

TIPTOE: You’d think that the Haitian would have been able to do this before, considering, you know, he can negate powers?

BRECKIN MEYER: I think their powers will come back when the eclipse is over.
TIPTOE: Where would you get that, considering that their powers didn’t disappear when the last eclipse ended?

HIRO: I don’t want to grow up!
HEDGEHOG: [singing] I’m a Toys R Us Kid…

NATHAN: I know you can’t understand me, but I have to tell you something.
HEDGEHOG: [as Nathan] I’ve got a massive hard-on.

NATHAN: [goes on and on about the injustice he failed to stop]
TIPTOE: Aww! He’s going to join the Foreign Relations Committee! How cute!

PETER: I’ll hold them off.
TIPTOE: With my power of woobie!

CLAIRE: [is dying cuz ya know she's infected and stuff]
TIPTOE: Claire first healed in “Six Months Ago.” They said nothing about an eclipse then. Besides, if she first healed in “Six Months Ago,” then she has been sick before.

TIPTOE: I love Noah, but I hate him when Sandra’s upset with him.

CLAIRE: [is angsty and apologetic for being a dumbass]
TIPTOE: It wasn’t you, dear. It was the writers.

CLAIRE: Why does it hurt so much?
HEDGEHOG: [as Claire] It hurts to act this bad!

SANDRA: WE NEED HELP NAAAAAAAAAO!!!1!!one!
TIPTOE: She learned that shriek from Mr. Muggles.

SYLAR: [helps Elle walk]
TIPTOE: Hey, put her on your shoulders, you weakling.

HRG & SYLAR: [get in fight and knock down boxes]
HEDGEHOG: Not into the electronics!
TIPTOE: What did you want him to do, throw him into a box of tissues? That would sort of defeat the purpose.

TIPTOE: It’s kind of nice to know that even without the killing, Sylar’s still a bastard.

HOSPITAL: [is all surgerylicious]
TIPTOE: Aww, it’s been a while since we’ve got to see the inside of Claire.

TIPTOE: Aw, look at Sylar’s fuzzy head!!

MUSIC: [plays an angelic chord]
HEDGEHOG: (singing) The Simpsons…

CLAIRE: [comes back to life]
SANDRA: [gasps]
HEDGEHOG: [as Sandra] You did that on purpose, didn’t you, you ungrateful little bitch!

MATT & PAPA MILLBROOK: [shake hands]
HEDGEHOG: [as Papa] Why am I shaking your hand? I don’t like you that much.

MATT: We’re all flawed.
TIPTOE: Especially me, because I’m gay for Mohinder.

TIPTOE: They’re gonna kiss this time, right?
MATT & DAPHNE: [don't kiss]

MATT: You’re a good person. I know it, and you know I know it.
TIPTOE: [as Matt] And… I know that you know that… oh, I’m confused. Just kiss me, OK?

MATT: Go do it, [inaudible].
TIPTOE: He called her “sweetie?” That’s disgusting.
HEDGEHOG: I thought he said “speedy.”

PETER: [goes Rambo on our asses]
TIPTOE: [singing] I’m proud to be an Americaaaan, and I’ll shoot anyone who speaks French…

HEDGEHOG: Yeah, he could really control the recoil of an assault rifle like that.
TIPTOE: Pete-bo!

TIPTOE: Whoa, the Haitian had a Vulcan mind-meld!

MOHINDER: Maya, it’s me. Mohinder.
HEDGEHOG: You know, the guy that trapped you in a web.

HIRO: Mainichi mainichi manga yonde okashi wo taberu!
ANDO: [translating] You read comic books and eat junk food.
TIPTOE: ‘Every day! Every day!‘ Stop translating the same as the subtitles! He didn’t do that in Season One.

SETH GREEN: [lectures Hiro]
HEDGEHOG: [as Dr. Evil] You tell ‘im, Scott.

HIRO: Thank you.
TIPTOE: His “th” sound’s pretty good for a ten-year-old.

TIPTOE: Don’t you think people would eventually find out that there’s a comic book with people with their name? Do they ever Google themselves like a normal human being does?
HEDGEHOG: You Google yourself?

SYLAR: [wears an emo shirt]
TIPTOE: Ooh, nice emo shirt! Almost as nice as the Ramones one. Can we call you Zane?

HRG: I read your files, Gabriel. You’re not their son.
TIPTOE: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
HRG: They’re just leveraging your mommy issues to turn you into their weapon.
TIPTOE: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

HIRO: Warui hito. [disappears with Sylar.]
TIPTOE: Bwahah! Hiro FTMFW!
HEDGEHOG: Deus ex machina desu yo!

TIPTOE: Oh, Hiro, now I want to know where you sent them. Maybe they’re in the casket with Adam! Now that sounds like a threesome I’d like to write.

SETH GREEN: [talks about Ninth Wonders] …the last story.
MATT: What do you mean?
HEDGEHOG: Fanfic.

SETH GREEN: Find that messenger, find your story.
TIPTOE: All right! It’s almost continuity! Sweet!

NATHAN: I respect your decisions. They come from your heart.
HEDGEHOG: And your nuts.

NATHAN: [goes all megalomaniacal]
TIPTOE: [hums Beethoven's Fifth]

TIPTOE: OK, I’m kind of finding Nathan hypnotizing right now.

MOHINDER: [comes back to work]
TIPTOE: Are you FINALLY going to ask Arthur to take your power now?

HEDGEHOG: All right! Scaly!Mohinder!
TIPTOE: “All right“?!?!??!!?

MOHINDER: [has chemistry with Flint's prone body]
TIPTOE: Oh, God, stop having chemistry with anything with a pulse. Please? Please? PLEASE?

SYLAR: [gets jiggy with Elle]
TIPTOE: That’s great. Why don’t you lean on her bad leg.
HEDGEHOG: Srsly. Let her mount, at least.

SYLAR: We’re both just damaged goods.
TIPTOE: [as Elle] You’re damaging me a little more right now.

PAST-HRG: Ii otousan ni naranai to omoimasu.
TIPTOE: Wow, his pronunciation got better since the last flashback.

EPISODE: [ends]
TIPTOE: I never got my kiss, damn it! I had to watch that other couple kissing! What the hell?